Football etc.. STOMP-RAGE
1) If i catch you catch you saying Cristiano Ronaldo is hot, you will automaticaly get a smack on the chin.
2) During the World Cup the television is mine. At all times without any exceptions. Eastenders, Hollyoaks and Corrie can all get to Fuck. Go keep the bed warm for me.
3) I will most likely have a coupon or a bet on. So if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, Don’t dare say:
It’s only a game
Get over it
They will win next time.
This will only result in a break up or a divorce.
4) Most importantly, making love is out of the question during the entire month. Except from in between matches. If i fall asleep and miss a match.. this will lead to again a divorce or a break up.
5) The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them already. I want to see them again.
6) Make sure you are taking note.
Since the DUMB-FEST that is football started, posts like this have been everywhere on Facebook and on blogs. I don’t think it’s a Kenyan thing, all over the world men are telling women how we will be invisible and won’t matter unless we pay attention to the gotdamn game. Tch, so now, the world should PAUSE and revolve around you just because 11 men get on a pitch run around with a ball?? We should hang on your every word, go get you beers and cook for you and literally be your SLAVE while you do nothing but sit on your ass all day?? I DON’T THINK SO!! You see while you waste 90+ minutes of your life (because you listen to the half-time and after-game commentaries) I’ll be doing myself a favor and reading a book, dealing with a productive project or just getting some good ol booty sleep!! Stop trying to push us to do things only YOU enjoy!
Men should just do all women a favor QUIT trying to cram stuff down our throats all the time!! We don’t like sports; don’t make it our whole lives! You don’t see us telling you to sit with us while we watch Gossip Girl do you?? You can criticize Sex and the City all you want, but woe be the girlfriend who dares SPEAK while a match is on!! Everywhere you go, you’ll find women being forced to do what men think is good for them just because they LIKE it. Look at this article here :
I’m not a prude to say blowjobs are wrong and disgusting. No, in fact if done right, both parties can have an elevated experience in the bedroom (or wherever you do it at). Like @FreakyFact (crudely) states, If you lick her before you stick her, or you suck him before you fuck him, the sex will be 75% more enjoyable, so yes, oral sex is fine! Just STOP trying to glorify your goddamn pricks!! I mean, what is this? Semen can cure CANCER now?? Really??? Oh, and it’s also good for the skin, so if we don’t want to swallow, we could just stand there and let you bust a nut all over our faces?? I THINK NOT!! I think I’ll spend thousands of shillings on something that’s been proven and tested and actually SMELLS NICE thank you very much!! I don’t really get where all these scientists get the gall to start advertising spunk instead of finding a REAL CURE for these diseases that take millions of lives per year!! I mean, is some bigwig actually endorsing these gotdamn retards to go find men, spunk in jars, find some women, get them to swallow or put the junk on their faces and then go on to publish scientific articles WITH ACTUAL EVIDENCE??? Jeez, fund some poor kids in Vietnam or help a Haitian family get back on their feet!! Why do men ALWAYS THINK WITH THEIR DICKS???
And back to Sex and the City. Some women might take it lightly and think it’s all shoes and pretty clothes and having sex with tones of men. Well, YES it is, but there’s more!! Samantha was not just put on the show for men to fantasize about and us girls to call slut?? No, we’re supposed to learn from her! Yes, LEARN FROM THE SLUT!! Be confident in your own gotdamn sexuality and go after what you want without fear!! Since time of old, any woman who DARES have more than one partner in her lifetime is a harlot to someone. Well, SCREW YOU!! If you can shag 10 people, I can do the same! Anyway, I’m getting way in over my head here… the point of introducing Samantha was because in some episode (can’t remember which) she refused to swallow some guy’s junk because it tasted horrible. Instead of just going along with it, she asks the guy to actually TASTE his own junk, and if he can stand it, then she will too. Get this, this dumb fuck ACTUALLY does it!! smdh, needless to say, it’s obvious men care too much about getting theirs to realize when they are desperate.
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Ok, I’m done venting. And cussing. To tell the truth I’d written this blog like a week ago but lack of internet access prevented me from posting. Thus I guess it’s back to Kawaii Yuuki. As long as you men behave. :p
If you’re a movie lover like me, then 2010 is going to be an awesome year for you. Big stars, big producers, big directors and even bigger titles are coming your way!! You’ve already probably seen some of the greats of this year: Alice in Wonderland, starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, has broken most of the records set by “the great” Avatar. Since it’s early on in the year, we wait to see if something fresh and awesome will come out of Hollywood. But I wonder if anything can match the sheer awesomeness when these three combine: Johnny Depp, Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter (Burton). But enough titbits, onto the nitty-gritty!! Let’s preview some of these films!!
Seeing as its April, I’ll start my reviews with movies coming out that late. But as a mention to the movies you should definitely see if you haven’t:
Alice in Wonderland –>> It sold over 100million on its opening weekend that should definitely account for something. A treat for the entire family with a new view on the classic tale about Alice and her [mis]adventures. It’s already out in 3D in Nyali Cinemax and so if you are a true Johnny Depp fan (fan boys too!!) take your ass down to Coasto and enjoy eerie Underland. BONUS: Get the Almost Alice CD when it comes out. Various artists like Avril, 30H!3, Kerli made amazing soundtracks for this epic film.
Daybreakers –>> This is an interesting take on vampire films: a world where majority population is fanged while the rest of y’all humans scamper and do the hiding. Don’t really care for the story; they had me at “vampire”. I think that’s the only reason I’ve bothered with fodder like twilight. Yes, skinny pale dangerous men are a soft spot :-[
Youth in Revolt –>> Do you know who Michael Cera is? Then you definitely want to watch this film. Though I have to confess, this film is on the list only because of Cera and his utter wuvubleness. If you don’t know who he is, is I suggest you watch Juno and Super Bad. Anyway, Cera always plays the good boy, and he totally pulls it off with his sweet angelic looks 0:) however, in Youth in Revolt, this girl’s got him doing some baaad things!! Watched the trailer and I should say, this is not something to see with your baby sis (Swindee!!) so be warned!!
The Book of Eli –>> Again, I’m only going to watch this because of the lead actor: Denzel!!! (Say it like Mo’nique would… y’know, “Denzeeeuuuuhll!!”) Hopefully a black brother will make us proud, sorta like the Wayans… I have no clue what it’s about. A book maybe?? With Denzel as the hero?? IDK, I’m not spoiling it. But if you’ve seen it and it sucks, tell me mapemaz!!
Legion –>> Mmmmmh, this poster just had me ogling for all those months it was hanging in Kenya Cinema. Anything apocalyptic is a big YES in my book. I wonder if it will match up to Constantine. If you haven’t watched Keanu in that movie, just stop reading this right now and go LOOK FOR IT!! Epicenes!!
Shutter Island –>> Here’s another collaboration already done: Martin Scorsese and Leo DiCaprio. Leo may be ooold as crap, but he can still act!! Way more than Brad Pitt anyway! Speaking of which, how come Leo looks older than Pitt?? *randoooom*
The Wolfman –>> Wah, this looks like those types of movies you have to watch with someone. Under a cuddly blanket with the lights off. But big hairy men have never been my thing. Vampires have better control of their urges anyway! Unless they’re the glittery kind 
The Crazies –>> Here’s another horror for ya’ll fans of psychological horror. It’s not really guts and blood, but the trailer was all about mad neighbours setting their families on fire and those mutant-looking bad guys… yeah, that’s my kind of horror. Nothing scares me more than mutated humans *hides*.
The Runaways –>> That girl from Twilight, you know, the whiny one (Because I know none of y’all watch Twilight, she’s called Bella) stars in this movie as Joan Jett and Dakota Fanning (she’s this adorable kid we watched grow up. You probably know her as Cruise’s daughter in War of the Worlds) as Cherie Curry. It’s a musical/biographical film based on the real life of their titular roles. Just so you know, the Runaways were an all-girl American teenage glam rock band in the 1970s. The feminist in me would not be pleased if I didn’t share this film 
Those are the “must sees” of Jan to March. Okay, for the most anticipated 15 movies of 2010!!
1. Why did I get married too?
Sequel to “Why Did I Get Married”, one of the few black-American films I actually enjoyed. Yeah, yeah, you wanna call me out on my film “racism” do it later. I have tons of epic fails for you. Haven’t seen the trailer, but I saw a behind the scenes on E!, I gather this film follows Janet Jackson’s attempts at getting paged again. Poor thing, why you would go through all that for a brat that will give you hell for at least 16 years is beyond me. And no, I do not have a single motherly bone in my body. Not yet anyway :/ I hear Tyler Perry directs gewd dramas, though I have no taste for them. If you do however, you should def get out that wallet and watch this film on the big screen. If you decide to take me for this film, I’ll be armed with earphones (for my iPod) and a box of tissues (for your sobbing ass) :p
2. Kick-Ass
All my geeky friends are raving about this movie. I’ve seen the trailers. Two words. Boooo-riiiinggg. No seriously, film adaptations of comics are usually just about as bad as the comics themselves. And this film is nothing but my least favourite things: endless cussing, lame-ass lines accompanied by more cussing and costumed wankers thinking they’re cool. Oh, and a balding Nicholas Cage gets added to the mix. But my geeky friends insist this film is “awesome” though I don’t see why. Well, suffice to say, no cinema is conning me out of my precious 500something bob. I’ll nick it off some other bugger at A.A.
3. A Nightmare on Elm Street
It would be in very bad taste if I didn’t put this film on the list. My hubby, Johnny Depp, starred in the original. Ok, I haven’t watched it as horrors are not my thing, but this is Depp post-21 Jump Street. He never did a role that didn’t interest him so I’m pretty sure the film has some spice. The original that is. I don’t know about the remake, but I saw the trailer (over and over) and it seems interesting. As interesting as horrors go. I can’t judge it since I don’t do horrors. But I’d love to watch it (not alone obviously) followed by a night of yummy Depp-filled dreams *sigh*.
4. Iron man 2
Because they couldn’t find a better title (that’s me just hating). I’ve been called names because I did not find the first iron man interesting in the least. At most it was mediocre. Nothing really stood out: not Robert Downing (he wasn’t even remotely cute in the film) or any graphics or action sequences… the bad guy was lame, I can’t even remember him. And what’s with the fascination about the briefcase?? I may be a geek to my friends, but Olive, there are bigger geeks than me :0 And I hear the trailer basically gave away all the good parts that the film has to offer. Takes me back to the bad taste the Wolverine film left in people’s mouths. But at least Hugh Jackman was a distraction.
5. Shrek Forever After
Shrek has to be the funnies animated movie EVER. No way can you listen to Donkey’s singing and not wanna just die of cracked ribs. Yeeah, I look forward to cramming the lines in this one too. And it has big names too: Larry King, Ryan Seacrest, Kathy Griffin and Megan Fox all offer their voices for your amusement. Don’t buy a drink for this film, you’ll probably end up snorting it all on your date 
6. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
An old game finally making it to the big screen. I remember playing it in 2-D making sure the Prince jumped over spikes and scuttled under shutting gates. And no, I never made it past stage 4, thanks to a big ban on gaming in our household. But the trailer looks interesting. A little cheesy with the romance angle, but it still has potential with the story line. I’ll just put all my faith in Gyllenhaal, though I wonder if he’ll be accepted as an all-male hero, after playing a gay cowboy.
7. Inception
Christopher Nolan. Leo DiCaprio. No idea what the film is about, but I’m sold on those two being in the film. Seeing as “Leo-mania” ended years ago and the actor has matured into “an edgy indie actor” starring in awesome films, like Shutter Island. Which I am yet to watch (Swindee!!) He’s accepted he’ll never reach the state of popularity he gained in Titanic, yet his current films are waaay more enjoyable. So sit back and enjoy the wunnerful sci-fi world of mind-probing technology and industrial espionage.
8. Salt
Mmmh, this poster has teased me for long enough at Kenya Cinema. “Who is Salt??” Damn, and that is how you keep people hanging by a thread with suspense!! I don’t see why the director wanted Tom Cruise to star as salt though: he’s way too old, can he go be a dad already?? Anyway, the film apparently was waay too close to Mission Impossible (those films didn’t do jack for me). It’s good to finally see a film with a female lead, a spy no less!! Female spies are cool, thanks to Sidney Sheldon for showing me that (rest his soul).
9. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
Aaah, a comic-adaptation I and my geeky friends agree on!! For very different reasons of course. I want to see it because angel-face Cera is starring. And as I gather, there are no costumed heroes in this comic (Yaaay!) so I’ll definitely be watching it. Sort of music-inspired, but Cera did wonderfully in Nick and Norah as the drummer of a gay band, Fistful of Assholes. FYI if you haven’t seen that one, do it. Its funneh. And there’s a dumb blonde for all of you who don’t appreciate the gay presence.
10. Paranormal Activity 2
Wow, a follow up to one of the spookiest movies of the decade?? And so soon? I wonder what plot they’ll follow… there’s very little info about the sequel, but I’m guessing they’ll keep the Blair Witch Project-themed filming. Which only served to make it all the more terrifying *shivers*. Filming begins in May, so we’ll just have to wait for any sneak-peeks…
11. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I
I think I’ve become one of those disloyal potter fans who don’t watch the films now since the books are over. And Radcliffe ain’t getting any hotter anyway, so there’s nothing much to look forward to. I have a personal grudge with Warner Bros. I was so excited to watch the previous film back in 08 because it was showing on my birthday. Then they moved it to friggin June, nkt. Needless to say, I haven’t watched the 5th instalment of Harry Potter (bite me), but this I’ll definitely see. It gave me nightmares with the whole Horcrux thing and Dumbledore taking potter to a cave of zombies… ugh, again with mutated people v__v
Hmm, that’s basically it. Of course, there are more good movies coming out in 2010, some I have no interest in, and some that do but don’t really make it to my list. And no matter how much I’ve hated on some of the movies above, they still merit getting mentioned. So start saving the moolah and go have a laugh or scare… or you could waste it and go down to Nyali Cinemax to watch Step Up 3 in 3-D…
#makmende
Yes, that hash tag in my title was not totally bogus. I’m just used to seeing his name like that.
The great Kenyan Hero (born around mid-march 2010 on twitter) Makmende. Sure, i may be the last person on earth to watch the Ha-He video, but u should blame that on Kenyan sucky internet services. and CUEA internet filters.
Aaanyway, i just had an argument with my monkey friend about Just a Band and their new-found fame. They even released a press statement claiming rights to Makmende and all that is associated with the video. He claims that it was utterly pointless as Kenyans being Kenyans wont buy the Album. This new-found fame wont take them far, he said, because Kenyans are fickle like that. There i totally agree with him. Kenyans, as everyone knows, are suckers for free things. DVDs recorded in cinemas, songs ripped off the net, series stolen on the pirate bay … We just don’t have the guts our Nigerian brothers have to come up with elaborate scams. Naa, we stick to the small stuff.
anyway, my side of the argument was that sure, Kenyans may not buy the albums, but success for an artist is not in album sales, its in tours!! I can honestly say that i WILL pay to watch JAB at a gig. Because they actually are awesome. And I’m grateful to Makmende for opening up this whole genre of music i would not have given 2 cents for before.
FACT #1: Most of the musicians who make it to the FORBES 100 list of rich celebrities might not make it the next year if they don’t hold a tour. {E Channel on the Forbes 100 Riches Celebrities of 2007}
You can find the song for download here
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Hellow there reader!! Be ready for anything from this blog, cuz i will talk about just about anything that washaz me; esther arunga, school, Naruto’s suckiness, bleach’s awesomeness, my fwendz, boys, life, God, Nokia, skinny jeans, lady gaga…. Yes, just about anything!! You may think I’m random, but it’s just the effects of my ADD… Heehee, im writing this blog when I should be writing political science notes (ugh). Tata!!
Yuuki Chwan
Oh, PS, my name will change according to my mood and/or which alter-ego is in power at the time!!
Political Science Notes
(Because it’s good for you to know things you don’t really need to :p)
The Principle Rule of Law has 3 related meanings:
- Everything done by the government institutions or officials must be in accordance with the law. Thus any public official who takes some action must be ready to show the legal source of the action. This is necessary to protect citizens from arbritary use of authority and abuse of power.
- Government should be conducted within the general rules that govern. This is also necessary to guard against misuse of discretionary power that statutes confer freely on public officials.
- Disputes regarding the legality of acts of government should be determined by judges who are independent of the executive organ. Necessary in order to ensure fairness and justice is delivered to ordinary citizens
Ok, I couldn’t be any more bothered. This lecture is boring. I’ll go tweet
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